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There's nothing like a little clarity.

After having a necessary but unwanted conversation this morning with Current Husband, it occurred to me that what I need most and want most is financial self-sufficiency. Enough money to have a place to live without a lot of anxiety. A place to feel safe, where the cats and I can sleep in peace, wander barefoot, drink tea without having to deal with anyone else's needs. Getting to create an altar that will not be moved or messed with. Being able to read again, being able to go out and come home without answering to anyone. Okay, that all goes beyond the financial, but you know what I mean.

I floated a note out to my friend Venus, who later popped by to listen to my nonsense - but there you go, she said, yes, pursue the financial independence. Followed by another friend, the Wise Crone, who said the very same thing.

So I put the idea out, and get all sorts of confirmation that this is the right path.

And I have to say yes, even though it feels scary, and this is the first time in probably 30 years that I have not had a secure way to support myself. But I can't allow myself to be beholden to someone emotionally because I'm concerned about the house payment. What I need to do then is SELL THE HOUSE. Although that makes me a bit sad. :(

Maybe I go talk to a banker, and figure it all out.